Fear of death made me a believer
Posted By Hilath
A lot of people do ask me why I became a Sufi Muslim after I had been an atheist. DCJ is right to point out that it was in fact insecurities about the finality of death that I finally succumbed to religion. I am not ashamed to admit that because whether I like it or not, it is the truth. Indeed, an editor of Haveeru, who is openly atheist, at that time scolded me for “blindly” following religion “just because you are afraid of death.” Deep inside I knew it to be true but I didn’t say anything because what was there to say?
So, despite my decision to embrace theism, I admit that my questions regarding God’s existence and the cause for my homosexuality remain unanswered. Unlike some other Maldivian friends, I am not afraid to admit the fact that I became a believer not because religion offers any answers but because it is one of the coping mechanisms for a person like me who developed depression due to the unavailability of answers to life’s basic questions such as “Is there a God?” and “Why does homosexuality exist?”…
Dear Hilath,
I felt a little ashamed I did not stand up for you strongly before, seems you had been so kind to me. I have tried to rectify this situation by sharing with you the thoughts I put up on minivannews just now. Seems it is about you you may like to know what I had said.
Ben Plewright on Your comment is awaiting moderation. Mon, 24th Sep 2012 2:32 PM
@Dear Moosa Rasheed: I had some more thoughts since our comments here, I hope its not too late to share them with you.
I myself used to feel like you, that a gay person was an evil Kafirun and that sort of thing.
But, Hilath has always been so extremely kind to me, during a few times I needed some kindness he was kind and understanding to me when nobody else was, and, for me, the good he has done far outweighs any ill discipline or drug stuff he has done, and I personally really think he is a wonderful person. Hilath’s understanding towards me changed my opinion about gay ppl, brother, I have to say.
I respect that others may know Hilath better than me and all that, maybe they know a side to him I don’t, but to me, harping on about how bad he is is hypocritcal, none of us can enter Jannah without Allah’s Mercy.
I recall a Hadith.
One says that if people did not sin and depend on Allah’s Mercy, Allah would have wiped them out and Created a people who did sin as, He Loves to Show His Mercy.
What Hilath is doing, speaking out against violence is a beautiful, a powerful thing, it is AMAZING.
It is really tough for me this issue, because I believe that Prophet Mohammed was the Last Messenger, I love our Prophet dearly, yet, for all that, I have come to believe that certain rulings must have been socially constructed.
Coming from a fundamentalist religious background, I also used to believe adamantly, and militantly, that homo sexuality was a sin.
But then, in uni, I learnt that most scientists that study these things believe it is a biological thing, where there is something different about the hypothalalmus.
That in itself was not enough to convince me.
Yet, I came across some stories of some deeply Religious people, who tried with all of their might to be straight, yet could not contain their hunger for members of the same sex. Guilt became frustration, anger, they either came to hate God completely and become militant atheists, or else they ended up comitting suicide.
Now, I have never recalled experiencing sexual cravings for another man myself, I am straight, but, I tried to imagine what I would feel like if I felt forced by the God I love so deeply to give up my need for my Wife, and I thought, it would kill ME!
Please try and imagine, what if it was sinful to love your loved one, your Husband, Wife or…
Please, try and imagine it. Could you just stop your longings for your loved one so simply in order to please ALLAH?
This is a ludicrous analogy actually, but, believe it or not, that is what we are expecting of gay people.
Do you think Hilath, or any gay person, would choose to be gay, would choose to experience longing which is only going to cause them greater grief and torture than what you could ever imagine?
Would they CHOOSE that!
If they could help it, they would be straight, and believe me, they have begged Allah to make them straight through more earnest prayers than what most ppl would do in a million life times!
The grief of being rejected by your society, your religion, your God whose Acceptance you crave dearly, your Loved Ones, country men, friends, whose acceptance you crave dearly? Would you choose to be tortured by rejection, grief, for being gay!
When I think of it, if I went through that, I would be even a zillion times more of a heroin addict, a gangster, an atheist, than what Hilath could ever be, and, to judge his ill discipline if we have not felt the pain of being gay is rather shallow of us.
I have judged and condemned gay ppl too, I am sorry for it, but have come to see things differently.
I have come to the opinion that, it is wrong to reject a person for feelings they cannot help, it is cruelty beyond belief. Yes, it took me years of overcoming my own prejudice to realize this, and it was damned hard.
But I can no longer believe that OUR MERCIFUL Creator could be so cruel so as to reject someone for feelings they cannot help, that would be contrary to what i have been taught about the Mercy of our Lord.
Ben Plewright on Your comment is awaiting moderation. Mon, 24th Sep 2012 2:35 PM
And I also believe Hilath is a genuine Muslim and is Loved by Allah.
Ben Plewright on Your comment is awaiting moderation. Mon, 24th Sep 2012 2:41 PM
I believe that we do not have thr right to say who is a believer or not, it is up to Allah.
Thanks Ben. The Salafis are blind. They are in denial. They don’t want to accept truths of Nature that they think is against Allah’s, um, “purpose of life.” Of course, they have been brainwashed by these hypocrites and murders hiding under the disguise called “Sheikh” but the tragedy is that their followers haven’t read the Quran properly. Nowhere in the Quran the word “homosexuality” is mentioned. Even the word “hair” is not mentioned, yet these Salafists promote homophobia and the headscarf, respectively. In fact, scholars say that Lot’s people were exterminated by Allah for their inhospitality, not homosexuality. In a desert environment, indeed there can’t be a greater crime than not being hospitable towards travellers.
Well, we could repeat saying this over and over again but these criminals who are hiding behind Islam will never be convinced: their only aim is to vent out their violent streak. In fact, extremists are actually murderers and other psychotic delinquents who want to justify their evil acts by claiming that they are doing it as a “Jihad.” May Allah burn these hypocritical “Sheikhs” in the deeper most part of Hell along with Abu Jahl. Amen.